


The pieces fall into place

by gonattsaga



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Falling In Love, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, In Public, Jealous Jared, Jealousy, M/M, Partial telepathy, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-10
Updated: 2011-05-10
Packaged: 2017-10-19 06:03:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/197739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonattsaga/pseuds/gonattsaga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Then there is a moment, one of those proverbial out-of-body Kodak experiences when the world seems to screech to a halt and there are crickets and possibly a clock ticking somewhere but other than that just silence, stone dead fucking quiet, when Jared just stares, without blinking, just stares back at Jensen. And he thinks, How did I end up here? What the hell happened?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The pieces fall into place

Then there is a moment, one of those proverbial out-of-body Kodak experiences when the world seems to screech to a halt and there are crickets and possibly a clock ticking somewhere but other than that just silence, stone dead fucking quiet, when Jared just stares, without blinking, just stares back at Jensen. And he thinks, _How did I end up here? What the hell happened?_

The answer is simple enough. Small things, barely there things that in retrospect add up quite nicely and this is what they make, but separately just small barely significant things, so small no-one in their right mind would even pick up on them. Jared, though, might be a lot of things, but in his right mind, not so much… so he noticed the small things, he registered them and filed them away in a special mental filing cabinet marked “Jensen” for future reference, and then went about his business, but he noticed them. So there’s no lightening bolt out of a clear blue sky revelation, no choir of angels yelling “ _Hallelujah_ ”, just filed-away half-a-second long glances that spoke entire sentences.

Or little casual touches, not even lingering, barely even there to begin with, just ghosts of fingertips’ brushes over the small hairs on his arm, that would make them stand, to remind him to pay attention. Just that, nothing else, nothing to read into, except… even though Jared can’t pinpoint the exact place in time when the little touches started, he still remembers the sharp pains inflicted on his bruised calves from Jensen’s sideway kicks under the table.

Or Jensen bringing him a cup of coffee and Jared taking a sip from it and nearly choking because it has the perfect amount of cream and sugar in it, again, and it never ceases to amaze him. Jensen drinks his coffee black. He shouldn’t know how to measure up the perfect amount of cream and sugar. He shouldn’t know how to make it so perfect, so just the way Jared likes it. And then there’s a crinkle, a small one, that trickles into place between Jensen’s eyebrows, it’s the crinkle that says confusion, or frustration, or anger, or…

“Not enough cream and sugar?” Jensen asks him. And he nibbles his lower lip. And his nostrils flare slightly.

Jared would just shake his head, and smile, and gulp down half the cup, just to show Jensen how very much enough cream and sugar there was in the coffee, and things would be fine, and they would drink coffee together in comfortable silence.

But there would always be that nagging just-out-of-reach thought, like Jared was missing something, something that wasn’t so small at all, and had very little to do with coffee.

He would just file the pieces away and tell himself, _Later, I’ll deal with it later…_

And now here they are. The filing cabinet has been uncovered, because things have gone too far, and that’s his fault, and now he has to backtrack, to try and make sense of it all, but when he goes to line up the pieces he discovers that he doesn’t have to try very hard at all. They just kind of fall into place, and there it is.

Jensen and him had decided to take advantage of the long weekend they had off by suggesting A Pub Crawl of Epic Proportions and invited everyone to join. The others snickered and snorted for a while, knowing from experience that Jensen and Jared’s pub crawls consisted of two pubs at the most and sometimes they didn’t even make it to the second, but at the end of the day most were up for grabbing a drink or two, and they all went to the regular pub and sat at the regular tables in the back. They fell into the same routine as always and it’s familiar, comforting, it’s a group, not of co-workers, but friends, maybe even family, having a drink and a laugh together.

Jared kept unusually quiet, just sat back and soaked in the warm fuzziness that enveloped him as he took in the scene, the bumping of shoulders, the clinking together of bottle necks, the head tilts and laughter, the funny faces, the easy banter, he took it all in and basked in how happy it made him.

And then there’s the feathery brush stroke of fingertips against his back, right in between his shoulder blades, tickling through the thin fabric of his tee, alerting him of Jensen’s return from the bar, and there’s a new beer bottle placed on the table in front of him to confirm it, the underside of Jensen’s arm almost grazing his shoulder, and Jared almost thought, happy doesn’t even begin to cover it… he felt more than that, he felt whole, _complete_.

He could feel Jensen behind him even though they weren’t touching, his body heat solid like a blanket draped over his shoulders, like he’s sitting with his back to the sun. And only when Jensen moved away and spoke did Jared realize that he’d been about to lean back.

“I’m heading out”, Jensen declared from behind him.

 _Like Hell…_ Jared thought and choked on his beer. He spun around in his seat, then froze. Words of friendly banter drying from his half shut mouth and he struggled to remember what they were.

Jensen took another step back and put his arm around this girl, this skinny thing with spidery eye lashes and a dimpled smile, blonde hair, Barbie waist, no hips to speak of, and she’s just standing there smiling, and Jensen… well, Jensen was grinning, and his arm was around her, big hand in a loose grip on her bony shoulder, and Jared was afraid he‘d crush it, break it, but when he caught the twinkle in Jensen’s eye, and Jensen winked at him, Jared didn’t really care anymore if he did break it, was kind of looking forward to it, and then he saw Jensen faltering briefly because Jared forgot to smile back, and Jared is going to, but Jensen had turned to the rest of the group before he got around to it.

“Take it easy tonight, everyone”, he said. And then they’re leaving. And Jared just sat there and stared at the doorway where Jensen held the door for Barbie and she giggled at something he said. A gust of wind whips through and then the door swung shut behind them and they’re gone. Jared shivered and put his jacket on.

This little thing, not so little thing, didn’t come from Jensen at all, it came from him. Because Jensen’s hand on Barbie’s shoulder, his suggestive smile, his wink, those were all normal things, those didn’t get to go into the filing cabinet marked “Jensen”, but the cold lump in Jared’s belly did. As does the anger that he started building up later that night when he couldn’t sleep. As does his instinctive need to avoid Jensen for the rest of the weekend like he was giving him the cold shoulder, which he wasn’t, because that would make no sense since Jensen didn’t do anything wrong, and he tells himself he just needs some space, some alone time, som Me time as actors like to call it, no big deal. And maybe it would do him some good to get away from Jensen for a bit, anyway. They’re always hanging together, always in each other’s space, Jensen is always there, and it can’t be healthy, really, when you think about it. Which Jared did. He thought about it all weekend, from the most reasonable and logical point of view, and yet the more he thought about it, the angrier he got.

And now here they are. Jared has gone too far. Jensen is trying to be supportive. He’s searching out his eyes, but Jared is not in the mood for any silent communication, thank you. Nor does he feel like getting felt up by his co-star either, and really, this whole touchy-feely business, they really need to stop it, they’re two straight guys, for fuck’s sake, no need for any hand-holding, eyelash-picking, shoulder-bumping nonsense, at all. This makes sense. This is rational thinking. This is why Jared flinches away from Jensen’s outstretched hands as he tries to stop him from walking away after having pretended not to have heard Jensen say “Jay” three times, which he admittedly did, loud and clear.

“What the fuck, man. Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you.” Jensen says.

“What.” Jared snaps, fully aware that he’s sounding like a sulky five-year-old.

“What’s up with you? You’ve been cranky all weekend. Is something wrong?”

None of your fucking business, Jared thinks, but doesn’t say, because No, that’s not exactly justified. Instead he arranges his features into his best scowl and huff in a very Sam-like fashion. To which Jensen merely raises his eyebrows, as though expecting more of an answer. Jared shifts his weight and sighs. Dean is so easier to deal with. He glares a bit more. Then shifts his weight back.

"You took a girl home. To our house", the consonants carving out an angry hiss of the vowels and elbowing their way past the barrier of his gritted teeth. He makes sure to pour a lot of hurt and betrayal in his eyes as well.

The look on Jensen's face is priceless and on any other day, during any other circumstances it would have made Jared crack up and forget whatever hissy fit he was having, it was that brilliant, jaw gone slack, eyes gone circular, and for a brief moment Jared’s distracted by the thought that the expression ' _like someone hit you in the face_ ' never really made sense to him before, until now.

This only distracts him for so long, though and as soon as Jensen, like everyone else, has to obey the laws of science and actually blink, the fluttery action shakes Jared out of his thoughts and he notices the crinkle work its way in between Jensen's eyebrows again. Then Jensen shifts his feet. And squares his shoulders, but his torso caves at the same time. This is Jensen trying to lean on Dean for some backup like he always does when he wants to stand his ground, and like always he isn’t really able to bring himself to follow through because Dean might be a fighter, but Jensen never has been.

"Come again", he says, voice gone slightly hard at the edges, but not really rising to the bait, not really.

 _Oh, Jensen_ , Jared thought to himself, _always steering clear of confrontations... well, fuck that._

"You heard me. You took a girl, a fucking one-night-stand, to our house. What were you thinking?" he demands.

The crinkle between Jensen's eyebrows deepen.

"Dude. We're room mates. I took a gi- woman home with me, to my room, okay. I don't see the problem."

"No", Jared snapped, maybe sneered, and maybe this joke was on him, maybe he was being irrational, maybe Jensen was right, maybe he'd just bitten off more than he could possibly chew, but he couldn't take it back now, that would look even weirder, plus he was just as stubborn as Jensen, and maybe just a bit jealous. 

And that was that. The moment.

"No, I don't suppose you would..." he mumbled after a moment's tense silence and brushed past Jensen. He felt his cheeks burn, anger or embarrassment or both, he wasn't sure. A PA guy was looking at him like he'd sprouted a second head, and he ducked to avoid his eyes. _Fuck_ , he was such an idiot.

The pieces, the small little things, every single one, they flew out of the filing cabinet and came together. The picture was clear. All it needed to be more obvious was a neon sign. _Idiot._

"Hey, hang on-" Jensen called after him. "Hey!"

And then there’s a touch again, more than fingertips, more than lingering, a solid grip on his arm, like Jensen’s got him, like he’s not letting go, like Jared won’t ever have to get lost ever again. And he stops. And he avoid Jensen’s eyes. And shakes free of Jensen’s grasp like he doesn’t want to be found.

“What”, Jared snaps. “What, Jensen, what.”

"No. No, don't be an immature little brat. You don't do that. You don't splutter and hiss in your friend's face and then walk away without giving any explanation. If there's been a misunderstanding, you find out what it is. If there's something bothering you or something hurt you, then you come out and say it so it can be resolved. You don't sulk. You don't stomp your feet. That's kindergarten stuff, man. I'm not taking that shit from you, now spill it, what's crawled up your ass? Did I cross a line I wasn't aware of? Did we keep you up late, what?"

"...No", Jared muttered grudgingly. "Nothing like that."

"Then what? Why are you angry with me? Huh?"

"I'm- No, you know what, I'm sorry... just forget it, I'm an idiot-"

"Hey. Don’t even think about it. You're still doing it, just cause you throw a 'sorry' in there doesn't change the fact... tell me what's going on. What'd I do?"

Jensen’s voice is soft, gentle, but firm.

Jared can’t quite bring himself to meet his eyes. Fuck. His cheeks are still burning. He can feel the uncertainly, the worry, radiate from Jensen’s body, see the jerky movements of his fidgeting in his peripheral, hear the way his breath, shallow, deepens as he sighs.

“I don’t know what I did, Jay…” he mumbles.

Jared closes his eyes and exhales.

"Jens-"

It comes out as a groan, like he’s in pain, and he is, but it’s not that bad, and he’s even more of an idiot for making it sound like it, for making Jensen believe he caused it.

Jensen, wonderful considerate Jensen who gets worked up if he thinks he fucked up Jared’s coffee.

Jensen who is always fucking there in his space like his Dean always looking out for him, keeping an eye on him, keeping him on track, sane, present, fed, caffeinated.

And now here they are, staring at each other, like this is a stand-off and Jared wants to go back, wants to be in his right mind and just let the small little things be and go about his way.

Jensen is looking at him like he’s a puzzle. Jared opens his mouth to speak, but he doesn’t know how to say whatever there is to say, so he just shakes his head. The frown disappears from Jensen’s face and Jared marvels at how quickly the crinkles wash away. And then he meets Jensen’s eye and, yes, there it is, muddled in the sometimes green, now greyish brown, that is Jensen’s eyes, like a sheen of something unshed, but dry, realization, knowledge, _this, I should have seen this coming.  
_  
“Yeah”, Jared says and shrugs. “Me too…”

“You…”

“I didn’t-”

“You just-”

“I just put it togeth-”

“So that’s why you-”

“I’m so sorry-”

“Fuck that, I should be the one to-”

“No, you didn’t do anything-”

“But-”

“Let’s not talk about it anymore.”

Jensen is staring into his eyes like he wants to solve him again, and then he nods, once. And Jared realizes how awfully close they‘re standing all of the sudden, in each other’s face close, _and now what, do we hug or something?_

Jensen seems to hesitate as well, but then he takes a fraction of a step closer. And then they’re kissing. It’s careful and awkward, dry lips on dry lips, both bodies pulling away even as they press their mouths together.

Jared feels like his mouth is filled with sawdust. He pulls his head back a bit and swallows, instinctively sneaking out his tongue to wet his lips, and then Jensen is there too, inside of him, his tongue trailing the inside of Jared’s upper lip, and the feeling is something else altogether and it’s kind of nice and there are finger tips grazing his hair line and a thumb poking his jawbone and Jared’s body decides that, _yeah, alright then,_ and he’s moving closer to Jensen again, tip-toeing, until they’re pressed together from mouth to crotch, and he’s never felt anything like it before in his life.

And then Jensen moans into his mouth.

And he could implode with the heat of it all. But instead he takes a step back and opens his eyes.  Jensen nods once. Then smiles at him. Eyes crinkling at the corners. Just one of those small things. And this time Jared knows what it means. And he smiles back, all dimples and sparkling teeth, and he hopes that Jensen knows that that means that too. And then he thinks, _one of these days… I’m gonna to suggest we actually talk to each other…_

 **  
Fin.**


End file.
